NBTN : How to keep a guy for 10 years

Do we all remember Kate Hudsons movie How to lose a guy in 10 days? Well this is how to keep a guy for 10 years, and hopefully for many more ...

After 10 years of being with my Husband I thought Id share some funny, quirky or hard lessons that I've learnt. We only celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary this year, but it was today May 18th when he asked me to be his girlfriend outside Avondale College after the 2002 Talent Quest.


1. The first 7 secs ...
Studies have shown that you can size up a person (male/female) in the first 7 secs. Its instinctive, its human nature. You need to protect yourself and trust your gut. This can be said for scouting prospective husbands too hahaha sorry boys, but dont worry you do the same to us ladies too. so, we are even :) Make sure you are attracted to eachother, that there is a chemistry, a spark, that no matter what you will always see through your eyes only and forever. To me, Alfred has a cheeky smile and a certain twinkle in his eye that is just breath taking to me. But that might be a bit TMI for you guys. When he is an old wrinkly grey haired grandfather, Ill still see him for the young, long haired, spunky, muscle flexing, league stepping man I met in 2002.


2. Know the Boundaries
In every relationship both sides are forever testing their limits and boundaries. This applies in all areas. We test it in the bedroom, we test it in the bank account. The boundaries are tested pretty heavily when it comes to the topic of parenting. Im a supernanny time out in the corner according to your age kinda mum. Where as my husband was raised in a house of 8 boys with a certain samoan discipline kinda flavor if you know what I mean. So often we are 'discussing' how to discipline our very boisterous 3 year old. No matter what, respect eachother first. If he/she is being a bit silly then let just let them think it over, if your being a bit selfish then just let it go. Bobs your uncle.

3. Dont bring up the past
Its pretty simple, and yet its so hard to do when you are in an argument. You cant move into the future if you keep going back to the cemetery to dig up the past. It maybe a little pet cemetery or as my husband would say it could be the whole Waikumete cemetery. Never the less, Its happened and it cant be changed so just like Dory on finding nemo "just keep swimming".

4. Look after yourself
Being physically and mentally healthy also means you can be physically and mentally apart of your relationship. If you cant look after yourself, then why should someone else? if you cant love yourself for you, how can someone else? You are no good to yourself, your partner or your kids if you are not taking care of yourself. So be loving and kind to him and to your family, but most importantly yourself.

5. Nip it in the butt
When something becomes a problem I nip it in the butt! If you leave it alone it doesnt just go away (most of the time). It may grow into a little bit of disconnection at first, next thing you know you dont know how to have a proper conversation, then your sleeping in seperate rooms?? In my case, which doesnt really go well with my husband, I just voice it. Once I've said it out in the open, it just feels better to have got it off my chest, then he identifies with it, and we are back on the yellow brick road again.

6. Learn to Laugh
Sitting down at the end of the day and sharing a laugh or two can keep the bonds of love alive. You may not know who the office lady that Im talking about is? I may not know what the south african lady who was hitting on you today looks like? But its all just for shits and giggles and speaks volumes that you can sit down for 5 minutes, we can sieve through our day and just have a laugh.


7. Be Proud
People dont praise their partners enough. Its very easy to backstab or just joke about silly things that they do when we are having a coffee or wine with the ladies. It would be nice to even out the scales and share how lovely, kind, sexy, funny or caring he is too. If you say too many negative things about him your coffee group might actually be thinking why are you with such a loser if hes is so crap at everything??


8. Keep the love tank full
Your relationship needs petrol aswell to go the distance too. Find out how your partner likes to show love and recieve love. Alfred is always doing thoughtful little things for me. He often brings things home for me, or little presents because it reminded him of me. Our love tanks are always pretty full so when its time to celebrate big milestones we just go with the flow. Its not a big build up, and its not a competition to prove our love in a monetary sense. Being here today, making it to the top of the mountain together and sharing the journey was the best part. The fruit, or in this case our kids is like the clouds parting to reveal a crystal clear view of all the beauty and hardwork. We've battled some blizzards, but we are here together, ready for another 10 years and more!!!
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

9. Be crazy in love
With all the crappy things that are on TV these days I really love programmes like Ice loves Coco. They really do know eachother, love eachother and support eachother no matter what. They are best friends, lovers and hopefully soon to be parents. I'll have to catch up on the finale hopefully sometime this weekend. Try to mix it up, spice it up, be spontaneous, have fun and live it a little. Scream on the rollercoaster, skinny dip, ride a motorbike or learn something new together. Ive set a goal for Alfred and I to take surfing lessons this summer. Be a bit crazy every now and then. Remember to let your guard down and show your fun side.


10. Most Importantly - L.O.V.E
There are all kinds of types of love. The way you love your kids is definately different to the way you love your parents, grandparents, siblings and bff's. Over time you learn to love him in so many ways. Initially you feel the fireworks, at times he'll be the shoulder to cry on when someone special passes away. Of course there is the lust and passion and there is also the best friend companion type love. No matter what kind of love you may feel from time to time, make sure you always love him, unconditionally.

If you have any other helpful relationship tips too please feel free to share them with us. Till next time ...

xxx Haus of Hiria