NBTN: Rated AO - No Children Allowed

Nothing But The Niha's - Behind Closed Doors

So you dont get to be in a family of 8 without riding the balony pony do yah?? You cant judge a book by its cover can you? Its always the undercover ones that do the freak in the sheet ones, yes you know Im talking to you!!

At the beginning of this year I married the man of my dreams. After the wedding we were kidnapped by Alfreds family to the Kelkirk Kave. There we had the meanest reception after party ever! British accents were a must that night. When the clock struck midnight I lost my glass slipper and the pumpkin carriage drove me and my husband home. Nek Minit, I woke up to the first morning of wedding bliss unsexualised and unhusbandable. Bloody Alf, He did a houdini and returned back to the party after he hypnotised me to sleep. Bastid, He sprinkled sleep dust on me and did the bolt.

Since being married my husband and I have lived with family and shared 1 bedroom with the kids. So since becoming husband and wife we have always had children sleeping in the same bedroom as us. WTF man. Thats not what I put in the pre nuptial agreement. Getting freaky is definitely last on the list of things to do when you have children, and you all know what Im talking about. By the time you've gotten through the day your absolutely HADDIT. Its not that you dont want to make crazy monkey love with your significant other, its just like, let me look into your eyes and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ... oh what did you say hun? bet you heard that one before too.

Which brings me to my point: Sex and Children. You have to have sex to have children, obviously. But when you have them some find it easy to get back into it like jack rabbits where some of us are no spring chickens for fear of getting pregnant just by playing footsies in the bed. My favourite one has to be the feeling each other up while your asleep, wake up nearly half naked and then its like 'Oh Well' ... LEGGO. We are a pretty stealthy couple. We've never been interupted in the throws of passion and I dont "think" anyone both adult or child has heard us before.

There is that one time we made a video ..... TMI. Dont worry, If we were to release a Kim Kardashian sex tape now, it would be a totally different story! I think it would be called something like Bootius Maximus or The Samoan Stallion strikes back.

I can happily reveal to you that we have moved to Takapu Hills from Gangster G-Town last weekend. Yesterday we set up our daughters new room that they share together. Which means mummy and daddy get to have mummy and daddy time. The question is, now that we have no more monkeys jumping in the bed what will happen? only time will tell and you'll be the first to know. Its not an experiment, but stay tuned for part Deuce. I know it will have a happy ending Im just not sure if it will include some Kama Sutra lessons aswell.

Keep the home fires burning peeps ...

XOXO Haus of Hiria